


HUNGRY LOVE: A yandere story

by Queenyashi



Category: Original Work, Yandere Simulator (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, College, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Constipation, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Food Metaphors, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Head Injury, High School, Murder, Obsession, Oral Fixation, Other, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Possibly Unrequited Love, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, The oral fixation isn't a fetish thing!!, Yandere, inspired by Yandere Simulator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26342893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenyashi/pseuds/Queenyashi
Summary: Ai always felt empty. She felt an untraceable malaise that followed her through her life. Unable to feel, unable to relate, but always aware of her distant hunger.Until she met him.It was like the fog lifted. And sixteen years of pent up emotion flooded her starving body.Followed by sixteen years of hunger. Ravenous, hungry, selfish cravings for her one true love.
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

I wake up. 

Light filters through my dorm window right into my eyes. I'm not bothered, the only think I feel is an emptiness dusted with dread.

I've been like this my entire life. Muted, cold, empty. My mother called it 'girlhood malaise', my doctor called it 'depression,' my little sisters called it 'frightening'. I called it normal. My whole childhood I felt a constant emptiness, like a physical space in my body that had been unformed from birth. Withdrawal for a drug I had never taken. When I was young... I struggled with it, screamed for it, thrashed and bit and scratched. Nothing filled the increasingly growing ravine in my chest. Eventually, I made my peace with it, and the numbness coated me in thick, lukewarm gray.

I stretch my clothing over my body. White uniform sweater, red ribbon on my neck, blue pleated skirt. It lays on me in a familiar way, warming up my cold body in a purely physical way. 

Not enough. 

My roommate is bounding around, loud and boisterous. She on the phone with her boyfriend, pushing circle lenses into her eyes, bow untied, her curly blonde bedhead surrounds her face like rays of the sun. 

I don't understand her. 

She's passionate, lively, each moment she exists she's balancing activities, always talking, always with friends. She's filled to the brim with white hot feelings, like a shaken soda can. I watch her cry with laughter as she tells her boyfriend about a commercial she saw at the theater.  
She's tumbling a shirt over her chest, unbuttoning it past the point of comfort, rolling her skirt up to a risky, cheeky length. She's like a modern day gyaru. A part of me wants what she has.

She grabs my hand, hers are warm and soft, and her face is beaming with a bright smile, "Ai! It's the first day of class. Aren't you excited?!"

I am not. 

We walk together to class, her hand never leaving mine. "So I've been talking to this new guy, he's SUCH a sweetie. He says the nicest stuff. Ah, yesterday he said he thought I had the teeth of a model. I couldn't stop blushing! Geez, I'm blushing now." She giggled. I looked, she had a peaceful smile, and a pink color blooming across her face like a bouquet of flowers. In that moment, I craved what she had. God, what would it be like? To hear someone say something so banal and... creepy.. and make that face about it? 

'Ai, I think he has a brother. I should totally set you up! Omg, how cute would that be? We could double date!" 

I made a smile, "I've never been interested in dating." I said, my voice is soft and even, like a parent placating a child.

She giggled, "that's just cause you haven't found your mister right." She said, squeezing my hand. She rolled her head side to side "or misses??" She winked. 

I parted from what I was sure was in awkward conversation, going into the Aishi building for class. She was so strangely persistent, delighted to speak at me about literally anything. I pulled out my phone, looking to see I already had a text from her. A squinting anime girl holding a sign that said "HAVE A GOOD FIRST DAY". I began to type a 'you too' message when my phone was knocked out of my hand. 

I looked up at the ceiling tiles, assessing myself. I was just knocked onto the ground, the sound of my body's thud still echoing against bare walls. My head was throbbing, and the florescent light above me spun. I had a second to recoup before a red ladder descended onto my body, clattering loudly as it slammed onto me. Then, nothing.


	2. HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM HIMH IHMIM HIMH IHMHIM HIMHI H HIM HIM HI HM IHM HIM IH MIHM IHM IHM IHM IHM HIMIHIMHIMHIHMIHMIHIMHIHMI HIMIHIHMIHIM HMIHIHMIHMIHMIHMIHIHMIHMIHIMHIHMIHIMHMIHIHIHMIHIHIMHIM H I M

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who is he? And more importantly.. how can she keep him around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: senpai is a girl with he/him pronouns. I'm a lesbian and I literally don't know how to write het love stories. Be nice of me ;_; You can imagine senpai like a femboy, if that suits you better! After all, they're /your/ senpai.

He is over me... 

I wake up with my head cushioned. I groan, pain pushing against the pillow gray cloud. I'm aware of blood, wet and itchy as it dries on my cheek, but I'm not sure from where. 

"Don't worry, honey." His voice is scared, but his tone is comforting. 

"what" it hurts to respond, my jaw clicked as I asked.

"You had a really bad fall. You uh, you hit your head against the wall and knocked the maintenance person's ladder into you." He said. "you're tough, I would be crying like a baby. Oh, I shouldn't have said that." He laughed weakly, shaking hi.

I opened my eyes, looking up. My vision is blurry, then it clears. 

He is singlehandedly the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes on. His eyes were a beautiful, complex shade of blue. Like the ocean, like a polished lapis lazuli, elevated by a swipe of barbie pink eyeshadow. His hair was a blush pink, shaved on the side and longer on top, in relaxed waves. A clear heart shaped hair clip with chunky sparkles in it glinted against the light. He had matching heart shaped earrings on. Their figure was full and... 

I realized my head was resting on him thighs. 

What was this!? This... Something, pulling at me? My face felt hot, hot like I dipped it into hot kettle water. Like I had wandered too close to a campfire.. 

I was struck, looking up at him and blushing. He looked back at me with a confused smile, "oh no, you're starting to bruise." He opened up my phone's camera, pointing it at my face. 

The realization hit me like a speeding bus as I blinked into the camera. I was blushing. My hand touched my cheek. Pink blossoms, just like my roommate from earlier. Then embarrassment flooded me, drowning me. Under my eye was a dark purple ring of bruise, my nose was at an unfamiliar angle, and blood trickled from my busted lip. 

Embarrassed! The first emotion I was able to catch, squirming between my teeth as I crunched down on it with all my might. It tasted sour, like ripe yellow lemons, like an entire bag of warheads packed into my mouth, and it spread along my tongue. Strong and pungent embarrassment. Looking so... Ugly in front of him. Blushing in front of this stranger. 

"Looks bad" I said, my voice shocking me in it's rustiness. I looked from my phone back up at his face. The back of my head was warm from his thighs. A new taste, a new sensation. This one was warm and hot and too big to bite down on. Too big to look at. Look. Look. Look. 

"Here's the medics." He said, setting my phone down on my chest. As he pulled his hands back, it was still warm from his touch.

I felt people lifting me, jostling me. The bell rang and reverberated in my head like a gong sounding. I became aware of the pain again as I left the warmth and comfort of his lap.

I just stared at him, letting this massive feeling melt on my tongue. It was intense, like a double shot of the cheapest vodka money could buy, but so intensely sweet and pleasant. It felt as though in one fell swoop he had poured himself into the empty void in my body, and I was so intoxicatingly full. 

Then the ambulance doors closed.


	3. H U N G R Y

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agonizing. Agonizing! Ai finally, for the first time in her life she found what had been missing, what made the gray lift off of her. All because him, him and him alone, filling her body with the most intense sensations with a mere five minute meeting. Like her world has been completed.
> 
> THEN IT WAS GONE.

The hospital room is white. 

I'm... different now. I'm different. New and whole but fragmented and so much worse. The hospital is gray. I can feel the gray building back onto my body. Mold growing on overripened fruit. Betrayed by its sweetness

I let out a loud groan, the sound reverberating off of the empty walla in a way that startled me. Part of it was from the indignity of the situation, the other part was the pain I was acutely failing to ignore. I need him. I need to be around him again. Tears well in my eyes as I feel the hazy pain throb with each heartbeat against my temples. Hungry. 

Why? Why did that happen? Not being tag teamed by a wall and a ladder, I understand that. But the sudden switch. Suddenly I was human. I felt... Human. Out of control, sure, and the introductory feeling was deeply unpleasant, even recalling it caused my salivary glands to overproduce as I tasted the warheads packed into my mouth, embarrassed at looking bloody and punch drunk in front of the answer to my fucking prayers. 

The door swings open, interrupting me from my my spiral. It's my roommate, and she's sobbing. She's absolutely hysterical, her face slimy with snot, tears, and sweat. Her perky ringlet cuels are wilted from the August heat, and her cheeks are bloomed with a blood red from what looked like hours of open mouthed wailing. 

"I-I heard you got taken to the hospital!!" She sailed, borderline inconsolable. She pulls me into a tight hug, holding me so desperately I feel one of my vertebrae pop under her pressure. Her forehead presses into my neck, "Ai, I came as soon as I heard. I'm so so so happy you're okay." She said in-between loud hiccups and her shivering body. I blink as I notice how her crying reverberates like my groan did. 

Through the thick gray film that I'm being suffocated under, I feel her feeding me something. Something new, rolling around in my mouth, intricate flavors melting over my tongue. Shepherd's pie, the crust puffing with steam, its taste mild and home made. It settles heavy in my stomach, and fills me with it's radiant warmth. I think this is what they call comforting. 

"I..." Oh shit. What is her name..

What the fuck. Why do I not know her name? I've lived with her for three semesters. What the hell is her name? Maggie? Yuko? Sayori?? It was too late to ask. 

"Ai, you look so beaten up. They just said you fell." She seemed calmer, if only a bit. She pulled back from her hug, and I enjoyed the aftertaste. "I managed to get by saying I was your older sister. Look"

She handed me an ID that read " Sora Mori. Birth: 1999" with a picture of her. 

"You... Have a fake ID ... With my last name?" I asked her, trying to read through my blossoming migraine. I look up at her, squinting, seeing her swollen face beaming with pride.

"Ai! Don't you know that I'm, like, super good at making fakes!!" She protested, giving me a look. "I make, like, literally everyone fakes! Forgery is my artform, baby;" she had her hands on her hips. "they didn't let me in because to them I was just some random. Apparently being someone's best friend isn't important enough to visit you" her eyebrows were knit together, and her whole presence reeked of indignant energy. 

This could be an out. "I have a TBI." My voice was still cold, typical and analytical. A part of me hoped that I would speak differently. I would sound like an ingenue in a romance drama. Or like a normal girl, at least. That wasn't so much to ask. But instead I still have a text to speech, robotic tone. "The doctors say it's only moderate. But my memory feels... Far away. I'm different now"

Sure, it was the truth. The CT scan showed my frontal lobe had shadowy sections, bruising. My discharge papers explained what life was going to be like now. Memory loss. Mood change. Impulsivity. The list went on in columns for pages. If only they knew I was so much better than when I woke up this morning. Besides, this girl didn't need to know that I never really paid attention to her. Part of me felt.. warheads about it .

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know." She said, manicured hand on her face. She took my discharge papers from my hands and reach them, her eyebrows knit together and her lips pursed. Carefully reading care directions, symptoms, presentations. "oh wow. That ladder really did you in, huh? Poor ai, poor little thing. I'll take care of you." 

My face turned bright red, as I pictured myself resting my head on... His lap. Looking up at his pink hair and his hair. His pink lips and eyeshadow and-

"How do you feel, ai?" She asked, her bright eyes flicking up from the page to meet mine. 

"I feel... In love"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an: thank you for reading!!!! This is so fun, I love writing yandere girls. There's a lot of imagery in this, I like to think that it's because she's explaining emotions imagining that we're like her.  
> I was inspired by Georgenotfound wearing color glasses, he could only use "lighter" and "darker" to describe seeing green and purple for the first time. He had no concept of these colors, he had just heard of them. I was also inspired by my beloved best friend, who comfort eats. I sort of smoothed these ideas together.


	4. Midnight Snack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ai is brand new now. And she has her life mission right before her eyes. But, like any good girl on a mission, she needs a strategy, allies, and... to learn the name of her prince charming... and her best friend.... 
> 
> It's going to be a long road ahead.

She buckles me into the passenger's seat of her car like a child. I watch her grin childishly with her bright blue eyes on me. 

"In love!" she echoed, "Wow, Ai! Love!!!" Her tone is thick with a jubilant sort of energy. It's corded up, I reach for subtlety in her message. Was she mocking me? Was there disbelief, jealousy, excitement? My hands come up empty. 

"Is... That good?" I asked. I was legitimately jarred that I wanted to know. I knew that I was different now, but it was seeming more and more like I was brand new. I rubbed my eyes before quickly pulling my hands away, gasping at the sharpness of the pain, blinking hard. 

"Woah! C-Careful there, honey." She said, slender, cool hand rubbing my leg, her eyes flicking to me before quickly returning to the road, "Your face is pretty messed up, remember?" She said. 

Dodging the question. She's dodging the question. She's not answering me. She's jealous. She thinks I'm lying. 

My heart is speeding up, and my hands balled up. I cough a little, and my throat stings with something like heartburn. Anger. It felt so much more physical than embarrassment or comfort. It felt like it had the potential to taste as intensely and be as fully filling as what.... he... made me feel. 

"Answer the question." I repeat, staring at the windshield.  
"huh?" I could tell I offended her based on the way that her tone twisted up. I could tell she turned her head sharply to look at me based on the jingle of her dangling earrings, though I kept eye contact with myself in the windshield.

"do you think it's a bad thing? That I'm in love?" I reiterated, looking down at my hands. That taste was starting to go away. I didn't like it, it didn't fill the negative space in my body, but it demanded an equal amount of attention. I couldn't handle it, just the taste of it in such a small amount made me want to retch it out.

"No, Ai, of course it's not a bad thing." Her voice is reassuring, her tone is gentle and soothing. I remember shepherd's pie and the afterburn is finally quenched. "I've waited for you to find your special someone since I met you..." Her voice trails off, she tilts her head from side to side as she parks, "It was just very very unexpected! I mean, just this morning you were telling me you didn't even think about romance or anything. And now, love hits you like a brick........." She trailed off again, and in the corner of my eye I can see her eyes widen.

"NO WAIT AI, THAT WAS JUST- I MEAN. HIT YOU LIKE A.. UH.. BASKETBALL." She exclaimed, shaking her head.

"I.. see what you mean." I respond, smiling slightly. Now that I was paying attention to her, she was cute. She moved and spoke and felt so comically exaggerated. Previously, she was nothing but a distraction to me, her voice loud and demanding of attention, her big movements and gestures filling up my periphery like TV static. 

Now, I want to be like her.


	5. Ingredients

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She has her first ally in her mission for love, but the fragile bonds of their friendship will crumble if Ai reveals she hasn't listened to a word she's said for the entirety of their friendship.
> 
> In addition to that, Ai needs to make a connection, a real one this time.

The sunset is in full bloom, shades of blood orange and deep, passionate red surround a white sun, fringed with delicate pink wisps of clouds. I'm struck by its beauty as we walk back to our dorm. Has the sky always been so beautiful? 

My heart trembles beneath my flesh as I imagine Him looking at the same sunset, both of us enraptured by its ability to change.

"So, I'm gonna set you up at home, I already emailed the school to let them know you'll be down for the count for a few days. I'm gonna set up an Instacart delivery for some of your favorite foods so that you won't have to go to shops." she was chattering quickly, and part of me struggled to keep up. It was so much easier when she was just static, her sounds hitting against the gray foam that suffocated me. 

But it was obvious she cared now. Her hugs and touches, buckling my seatbelt and buying me groceries... It felt good, knowing that The New Ai Mori came with a built in friend, especially one so intense. 

"Okay, so in the cart I have Hanafu wheat biscuits, salt flavored instant ramen, instant egg porridge, and Tamari roasted cashews. Oh, ugh, and microwave rice." Her nose wrinkles up, "Not to be judgy, but it's literally disgusting you eat that. We literally, actually have a rice cooker in our room." She said, squeezing my hand. 

I blinked, and I felt myself squint as I walked back into our room. "Actually.. I want to try some new things." I said. Those old foods I ate, they were merely sustenance for me. They were easy foods to pour into my empty stomach. I felt almost guilty hearing them listed off as though they were something I enjoyed.

She gave me a skeptical look, sitting on my bed with confidence after kicking off her shoes, leaning her head up against my pillow, "Man, Ai-chan, you should have hit your head years ago. I never thought I would see the day that you'd want to give up your microwave rice. Ha, I'm sorry. Was that mean?" she tugged on one of her pigtails and stuck her tongue out at me.

"No, no you're fine." I assured her, allowing myself to sit next to her, our shoulders touching. I took her phone in my hands, typing into the search bar. What did I crave?

Him. If only there was a food that tasted as big and beautiful, and felt so agonizingly filling as how I felt this morning. I remember what He made me feel, what I felt as I laid on His lap.

Warheads, sour lemon soda were the first two things to go in the cart, then it was followed up with antacids, then garlic, chicken stock, vermecelli noodles, whole jalapenos, wasabi pea chips, fish sauce, whole lemons, ground pork and instant buttery mashed potatoes, colorful mixed vegetables, raw chicken thighs, kabu. The list spanned until she pats my leg again, "Honey, I think you've filled up the minifridge." She said gently with a smile. 

"Whoops. I guess I got carried away." I said meekly, holding her phone, feeling its weight in my hand. A scheme forms, slowly. She's a simple girl, it may be rude to say, but it's nothing but truthful. As I hold her phone, I wonder if it has a passcode. I need to learn more about her, if she finds out I don't know her name or anything else about her, our relationship is destroyed, and I'm even further away from getting to Him. 

I have to break into it somehow, if that's what it comes down to. 

"These are all ingredients. Do you.. know how to cook?" She asked, scrolling through the ingredients. She added a few things, lollipops, minced garlic, and sweets. "No, I don't. Not exactly. But I want to learn." I admitted. My head was started to hurt, the pain medicine wearing off with each one of my heartbeat. "I want to make lemon hot pot." I added after the silence.   
"Oh! Lemon kabe is sooo good. My mom used to make that for me whenever the last leaf on our tree turned orange." She exclaimed. I watched her face give off a nostalgic glow as she closed her eyes, "I can almost smell it. She's such an amazing cook. You know how sometimes you eat something and it triggers a memory? That's lemon kabe for me." She giggled, her voice sweet and lilting, "Do you have a food that comforts you?" 

"Shepherd's pie"  
I felt very very understood in that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This is just some housekeeping. I imagine her highschool is a boarding school sort of set up like a fusion between a small college campus and a japanese high school. I'm not from japan, so be gentle with me ^^  
> Also, kuudere!Ai has a disgusting taste in food. I didn't even know "salt flavored ramen" existed, but it does, and it sounds like it would taste like garbage.


	6. Pizza After Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ai has some troubling dreams and does some troubling actions.
> 
> TW for self harm :3

Pain medicine was chased down with cold leftover pizza. I was disgusted by the taste, the harshness of the salt and the wet, oily pitted texture of the pepperoni mixed with the resistance of the hardened, cold cheese that ripped off unevenly from the sagging crust churned my stomach. Even moreso when the bitter, attention stealing aftertaste of uncoated pills took over my senses.

I don't recall falling asleep, but I woke up to the first rays of sunlight hitting me, completely disoriented. The inside of my mouth was raw, probably from clamping down onto my cheeks in my sleep. I sat up, blinking the blue spots away. 

The smell of cigarettes assaults me. It soaks through the tatami mats, through the unfamiliar plaid futon I found myself laying on. I peeled the sheets back, standing up, disoriented. Smoke, a strange bed. Had I been sleepwalking? My arms and chest felt wet, strange sticky texture drying against my shirt. The walls of the room were blanketed in posters of punk rock bands and photos of a boy I didn't recognize. His smile was sweet, he had doe like brown eyes and skin that was a just right shade of brown. He wore a school uniform and candidly sat by a fountain. I could almost smell the spring day around him as I glanced at him.  
A closer look revealed Polaroid photos of him blanketing the walls, held up by sewing needles, the glossy film decorated with hearts around his smiling face and five petaled flowers circling him like a corona in waxy red lipstick. The further along the wall I looked, the less controlled and more erratic the lipstick art became, hearts became two messy swipes, delicate flowers reduced to stabs, chunks of red lipstick crumbled against his chest and neck.

The focused silence was shattered by a piercing wail. I startled, falling to the ground, heart racing. Through layers of walls I can hear the guttural, pained wails of a familiar man. The feral tone of his voice is ominous in its distance. He's getting closer. The wailing, choking sobs rings off of the walls, rattles the photos on the wall, makes me drop the empty container of her lipstick in my hand.

I gasp back to life, sitting up in bed, eyes wide and bloodshot. A second after I sit, my head responds with an electrifying burst of eye-watering pain. I whimper, eyes squinting shut and nostrils sucking in cold nighttime air. "No smoke, no smoke, no smoke" I was coaching myself through it, piecing my mind back together until the pain and the dream were distant, cut up enough to ignore.

I look around the room. My roommate's side of the room is heavily decorated. Twinkly fairly lights brought a warm incandescence, barely bright enough now to even register as on. It had kitschy mass produced art with friendly sayings on it, throw blankets piled high on her bed to the point where only her face was visible, her phone and tablet charging nicely on a bedside table. 

Right. Her phone. I put my feet onto the cold tile, holding onto the desk as I hoisted my body up. Pain medicine had wrapped around my body, pulling me to the ground. I resisted, knees touching together as I shuffled forward to her side of the room. My eyes were locked onto her sleeping face. With each footstep I repeated 'stay asleep' in my mind like a mantra. Stay asleep. She looked angelic, her face clean save for a little eyeliner shadowing in her lashes, even while dreaming she wore a small smile. God, I fucking envy her. She's everything I want to be.

My hand curls around her phone, but the cord travels under her arm with barely any slack. Even unplugging her phone would jerk the braided wire from under her. But I was holding it. I had to do it now, I could almost feel my body succumbing to the thick cloud of nauseous exhaustion.

Think. 

She shifts slightly, tosses off a blanket. I hold my breath, waiting. She's still asleep ,thank god. An idea forms. My finger, sweating, presses the volume down button. I hold it down for as long as I can handle, probably only thirty seconds. Her eyes are still closed. Did she shift again? Was the medicine and exhaustion inducing hallucinations? I dip my head down, inching my mouth as close to the charging port as I could. I slid my thumb down onto the home button, pressing it. 

I can only do this once.

"whose phone is this?" My whisper is barely audible, but in the deathly still dorm room it sounded like a firecracker to me. Her phone screen swirled, and thankfully, THANKFULLY, a silent text bubble appeared that said "this phone belongs to Sweetie Baby The Cutest Pumpkin This Side Of Sanrio".

I deflated, but then I saw her contact box at the top that read "Nari Ono". Nari. Nari. Nari. Characters that read Plum Tree. I released her phone, dragging my feet as I barely managed to crawl back to bed. Nari. Nari Nari. In a moment of sobriety, I knew for a fact I wouldn't remember her name when I woke up. Through the gray fog and the medicine's grasp, I wouldn't even remember. 

I took my pointed finger, rolled down my sweatpants, and dug the nail into the crest of my hip. I flinched, but the medicine rounded off the pain. I pushed my nail in harder, until it started to flex.   
N.  
I took leveling breaths through my nose.  
A.  
I'm starting to lose consciousness, fighting drug addled sleep.  
R.  
I dap the little pearls of blood on my pants. Come on, Ai, stop flinching.  
I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the stomach flu while writing this chapter, and the description of leftover pizza literally caused me to vomit. Every day I find a similarity between myself and Ai (just kidding~! ;) )


End file.
